TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
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TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER : No, that’s wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
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TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
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TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
MILLIE : I is…
TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”
MILLIE : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
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TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn’t punish him?”
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
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TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as
your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!;
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.
shaadi....
Dear Friends,
this is something for the Newly Wedded couples
abhi shaadi ka pehla hi saal tha,
khushi ke maare mera bura haal tha,
khushiyaan kuch yoon umad rahin thi,
ki sambhale nahi sambhal rahi thi,
subah subah madam ka chai le kar aana
thoda sharmate hue hume need se jagana,
wo pyaar bhara hath humare ballon main phirana,
muskurate hue kehna ki darling chai to pi lo,
jaldi se ready ho jao, aap ko office bhi hai jana.
gharwali bhagwan ka roop le kar aayi thi,
dil or dimag par poori tarah chai thi,
saans bhi lete thy to naam usi ka hota tha,
ik pal bhi door jeena dushwar hota tha.
5 saal baad……..
subah subah madam ka chai le kar aana,
table par rakh kar jor se chilana,
aaj office jao to munna ko
school chodte hue jana…………..
ek baar phir wohi awaaj ayi,
kya baat hai abhi tak chodi nahi charpai,
agar munna late ho gaya to dekh lena,
munna ki teachers ko phir khud hi sambhaal lena.
na jane gharwali kaisa roop le kar aayi thi,
dil aur dimaag par kali ghata chai thi,
sans bhi lete hai to uni ka khayal hota hai,
har samay jehan main ek hi sawal hota hai,
kya kabhi wo din lot ke ayenge,
hum ek bar phir kuwaaren ban payenge
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A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks …’Peru hai kya?’
The shopkeeper says … ‘Nahi. Hum Peru nahi bechate.’
Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him
..’Peru hai kya ?’
He gets a little irritated and says… ‘Aare Bola na,Hum Peru nahi
Bechate’
On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him ‘peru hai kya ?’
He gets wild and yells ….’Bola na naahi karake. Abhi vapas aaya to
hathoda marunga sar ke upar’
The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..’hathoda hai kya
?’
The shopkeeper says … ‘Nahi’
The parrot then asks … ‘Peru hai kya ?
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Once president BUSH went to a school. After have a brief talk with the children he asked them if they had any questions to ask him.
One boy raised his hand and stood up.
Bush: what’s your name?
John: john
Bush: what’s your question?
John: sir I have three questions
1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why do America support Pakistan so much?
Bush: you are an intelligent student john… (Just then the bell for recess rang).
Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.
After the recess
Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?
Peter raises his hand
Bush: What’s your name?
Peter: sir I have 5 questions.
1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why do America support Pakistan so much?
4) Why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time?
5) Where is JOHN?
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